Love redefined over time

Years ago, I thought love was the butterflies in the stomach or the fast race of your heart. I thought love was getting amazed the first time you met. I thought it’s the sleepless nights re-imagining of how the two of you talked that day or how you saw him glanced at you or how both your eyes met or the smallest details you could ever think of that hinted ‘he likes you’. I thought it’s what fairytales and fantasies taught me. Love, if actually defined by books and stories and songs, was exciting and just happy. It made an impression on me that it is something I would look forward for everyday.

But people forget to mention that it was all just based on fictional thoughts created by the mind. Growing up, nobody mentioned “Hey! Love is fatal when you got caught by it.” Or atleast somebody could have warned “Be careful! It’s a trap!” I guess nobody mentioned it because they want to keep the ideal of it – the ideal that LOVE is still a wondrous feeling at the end.

Well, true enough. But how would you know what love is? I guess you’ll never really know until you felt it. Love therefore can be defined in millions of words and vary from one person to another. We all vary from how we feel it, how we see it and how we define it.

So what is love for me?

Like I mentioned earlier, I used to believe that love is how Disney defined it in their stories. I used to believe that love is magical – that when it hit you – you’ll have the greatest feeling in this world. I used to believe that it is just HAPPY.

But something came up recently that changed my perceptions. But love is still a feeling I will claim again one day thou. But my definitions for it have changed over the year. Maybe you could say that growing up, I learned true love has a different definition in the end.

Now how do I define it? Simple. Love makes you weak.

Love is when you are already whole as person but you need someone to make you realize you still aren’t enough. It is when you can be so strong but with him you can just flaunt it all and throw tantrums like “hell do I care! I’m weak” and he doesn’t care. It is when you had a long day and you just want to rest but he’s there dumbing himself to make you laugh despite you’re ignoring him but he still continues. It is when you talk lesser everyday but talks to much on some other days. It is when people expects you to be perfect but he expects you to make mistakes. It is when you are damn tired of everyone already but you still want to be at his side. It is when you get annoyed of him but still you can’t get enough of him. It is when you are allowed to be scared of just getting scared but you are guaranteed that you won’t have to face your fears alone.

Love is quite exactly the opposite of what I thought it to be. Frustrating right? But no. I guess, for me, love has to be that way. We all need someone to support us along the way. Someone to hurt us but at the same time would want us. We need someone to wake us up with reality but fill us with fantasies, fairytales and/or myths. We need someone to push us but will be the first ones to heal the bruises and scratches we can get. We need someone. That’s just how life works. No matter how many quotes say that “You should learn to live by yourself.” Or “Life is a journey alone.” Or more, we all need someone to hold us.

So I guess that what love really is. Although I am still at the learning process and I bet will always be at this stage, I somehow now know what love meant.

So, love like a fool and get hurt. Love like there’s no tomorrow! Who knows you only got today to love, so don’t let it slip.