Years ago, I thought love was
the butterflies in the stomach or the fast race of your heart. I thought love
was getting amazed the first time you met. I thought it’s the sleepless nights
re-imagining of how the two of you talked that day or how you saw him glanced at
you or how both your eyes met or the smallest details you could ever think of that
hinted ‘he likes you’. I thought it’s what fairytales and fantasies taught me.
Love, if actually defined by books and stories and songs, was exciting and just
happy. It made an impression on me that it is something I would look forward for
everyday.
But people forget to mention
that it was all just based on fictional thoughts created by the mind. Growing
up, nobody mentioned “Hey! Love is fatal when you got caught by it.” Or atleast
somebody could have warned “Be careful! It’s a trap!” I guess nobody mentioned it
because they want to keep the ideal of it – the ideal that LOVE is still a wondrous
feeling at the end.
Well, true enough. But how
would you know what love is? I guess you’ll never really know until you felt
it. Love therefore can be defined in millions of words and vary from one person
to another. We all vary from how we feel it, how we see it and how we define
it.
So what is love for me?
Like I mentioned earlier, I
used to believe that love is how Disney defined it in their stories. I used to
believe that love is magical – that when it hit you – you’ll have the greatest
feeling in this world. I used to believe that it is just HAPPY.
But something came up recently
that changed my perceptions. But love is still a feeling I will claim again one
day thou. But my definitions for it have changed over the year. Maybe you could
say that growing up, I learned true love has a different definition in the end.
Now how do I define it?
Simple. Love makes you weak.
Love is when you are already
whole as person but you need someone to make you realize you still aren’t
enough. It is when you can be so strong but with him you can just flaunt it all
and throw tantrums like “hell do I care! I’m weak” and he doesn’t care. It is
when you had a long day and you just want to rest but he’s there dumbing
himself to make you laugh despite you’re ignoring him but he still continues.
It is when you talk lesser everyday but talks to much on some other days. It is
when people expects you to be perfect but he expects you to make mistakes. It
is when you are damn tired of everyone already but you still want to be at his
side. It is when you get annoyed of him but still you can’t get enough of him.
It is when you are allowed to be scared of just getting scared but you are
guaranteed that you won’t have to face your fears alone.
Love is quite exactly the
opposite of what I thought it to be. Frustrating right? But no. I guess, for
me, love has to be that way. We all need someone to support us along the way.
Someone to hurt us but at the same time would want us. We need someone to wake
us up with reality but fill us with fantasies, fairytales and/or myths. We need
someone to push us but will be the first ones to heal the bruises and scratches
we can get. We need someone. That’s just how life works. No matter how many
quotes say that “You should learn to live by yourself.” Or “Life is a journey
alone.” Or more, we all need someone to hold us.
So I guess that what love
really is. Although I am still at the learning process and I bet will always be
at this stage, I somehow now know what love meant.
So, love like a fool and get
hurt. Love like there’s no tomorrow! Who knows you only got today to love, so
don’t let it slip.